"What is your name?"

First of all: Introduction

"What is your name?" We hear this question a lot over the course of our lives. Knowing another person's name is the start to building a relationship with them. A typical response to this question is a short one-word answer, uttered without much thought. Most of us are quite sure about what our answer would be. We mention our name and the conversation continues. We tend not to dwell on the topic of a name unless the name is particularly interesting or complex. However, our names will go on to identify us to the world for the entirety of our lives.

My name is Grace Ayobola. Even as I write this, I struggle between putting Grace or Ayobola first. These two names are significant to me in their own right as they each represent me in unique ways . I did not always have this mental struggle about my names. Growing up, everyone called me Bola (which is a diminutive of the name "Ayobola"). I had no idea that my first name was Grace until I saw my birth certificate for the first time when I was fourteen years old. As a little girl, I thought it was absurd that my cousin was interchangeably called by two different names. I was slightly amused that her friends did not know I was referring to her when I referenced her by her other name, which was unknown to them. Needless to say, discovering all those years later that I had my own names all mixed up was no fun surprise.

My name is Bola

Even after discovering it was not my official first name, I did not want to replace Bola in the first name slot. In fact, I refused to do so. Understandably, I had grown attached to the name, but also, the full name "Ayobola" has beautiful meaning and it is also quite rare. Sure, you will meet a lot of Adebola's out there, Bolanle's, Omobola's and even Bolaji's. But Ayobola? Now that's a gem. Ayobola literally translates to joy meets wealth. I remember the first time I had a full realization of what my name means. Like Joy AND wealth together? All for me? How special! My parents are no longer certain about who came up with the name but it is a tie between my paternal grandmother and my mom. Whoever it was, I am forever grateful.

As mentioned earlier, Bola is a diminutive of Ayobola. By itself, Bola is a phrase which means "meets wealth". For a long time, I was very adamant that I will only respond to Bola. However, I have relaxed this policy to accepting being called by the full name. (I am still iffy about the whole "Ayo" thing though. Unpacking that requires another blog post 😂) I started accepting being called Ayobola later in my life because of it's meaningfulness. I subscribe to the Nigerian (and Christian) belief about the power in names. It is believed that names declare a child's future and speaks blessings or curses into the child's life. If my name is any indication, I am doing very well in the blessings department.

   As seen on @tellnames on Instagram

So yes, I love my middle name. For this reason, I am very particular about it- especially about its pronunciation. When I returned to the US for college, I was neither prepared for nor pleased by the verbal desecration of my name. I was called everything from Bowl-a to E-bola 😞. It wasn't right. Why did I have to give a phonetics lesson every time I wanted to introduce myself? I definitely did not sign up for that! To say my name incorrectly is to lose the essence of it's meaning and for me, that is unacceptable. I have encountered people who tell me that educating people on my name is important, especially in a country like America, due to the country's history of depriving enslaved black people of their given names from Africa, in addition to the general stripping of African culture from these enslaved people and their generations to come. I understand and respect that point of view. However, my perspective is that the issue is more of a language/accent issue rather than a history issue. Most Americans (regardless of race) cannot properly intone the pronunciation of my name by virtue of their American accent. Similarly, my name may also be wrongly pronounced by other Africans from different countries simply because of their own accents. I believe it is an unfair expectation, on my part, that everyone should be able to say my name correctly. Frankly, I do not have the patience to endure the numerous frustrating attempts.

My name is Grace

Enter scene- my name, Grace. Falling in love with this name was a gradual process. To me, Grace was too commonplace. The name was not unique and it did not stand out enough for me. I could not identify with the name in any way at first. However, after discovering that Grace was actually my first name, I began to take a closer look at it. The determining factor for my acceptance of the name stemmed from my Christian belief. To a believer, grace is a beautiful thing. It is unmerited favor from God. It is the constant reminder of God's love despite our human shortcomings and weaknesses. A deeper understanding of that grace opened me up to the name in a new way. It was humbling to have a name that was connected to such a rich foundational precept of my Christian faith. I also began to consider the dictionary meaning of grace. Grace is beauty and charm, she is pleasant, elegant, and poised. Slowly but surely, I began to aspire to Grace. The name began to represent a reminder of who I am and who I want to be. I not only wanted to be called Grace, I wanted to be Grace. 

   The GRACE building on 6th Ave, NYC

It was not an easy road to insert the name Grace into my daily life. Making the decision to do so though, has changed the way I approach my identity. I now believe that Grace is rightfully my first name because it naturally fits at the beginning. The name, Grace, represents a key principle of my central identity as a believer. Therefore, it is only right that it is my first name since my faith comes first in my identity. Ayobola touches on my culture, my roots if you will. It is also deeply important to me because it is the name that has travelled with me on my journey from childhood to young woman-hood. Yes, I too now juggle two names like my dear cousin. No, I do not regret it because dropping the proverbial ball on one name distorts the full picture. Some people know me as Grace and some people know me as Bola/ Ayobola. Perhaps, you can take a guess about which settings I introduce myself as either name😅. Quite frankly, it does make the introduction process less of a headache-inducing affair to tell my American colleagues that my name is Grace. As a bonus, I do not feel any less true to myself. (The only annoyance in going by Grace is that some people text my name in lowercase- come on people!!) On the other hand, there is something familial to me about being called Bola.

Ayobola is who I am. Joy and wealth combined. I spread a wealth of joy and I am joyfully wealthy, blessed beyond measure in all things. I am Grace- gracious Grace, receiving grace from my heavenly father and extending it generously to others as I receive it. I am beauty, charm and elegance personified. My name is Grace Ayobola Awosogba💗.

Final thoughts

As I wrote this, I wondered if anyone had similar experiences. Do you also go by two different names? Have you felt a sense of identity in your name or are you of the opinion that your name is just a means to identify yourself? Do you dislike your name/ wish for a different name? Perhaps you renamed yourself or accepted a nickname assigned to you by friends/ family? The topic of names can provide varied points of view. I am very curious to know your opinions and start a conversation about what our names mean (or don't mean) to us? So, I ask you, what is your name?